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So let me start off by saying that today is our one month anniversary. I know itapos;s not much at all, but itapos;s a big step for me, considering the fact that I was single for about four or five months before this, and I havenapos;t had a good boyfriend in a VERY long time. Everything is so different now. Joe treats me like any girl would want to be treated. We get along great, and thereapos;s never a moment that I question us as a whole.

Sometimes I question myself, though. I get scared. Joeapos;s never given me a reason not to trust him, and I pray that he never does. In general, I do trust him. I trust him more than anyone Iapos;ve been with in years. Thatapos;s a huge step up for me. Trust is a word that hasnapos;t been in my vocabulary since 2006 or so. Iapos;ve been through so much that itapos;s hard to just give out trust. As the days go by, and as Joe and I get closer, I want to be with him more. I fear more and more that I will lose him due to some other girl. I honestly donapos;t think heapos;d ever intentionally do anything to hurt me. Heapos;s not that type of person. But like I said before, I question myself. No, Iapos;m not saying I would ever cheat. I donapos;t think I ever could- with anyone. Cheating is so heartless, and it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about hurting someone I care so much about.

I do question myself in a sense that Iapos;m not good enough. I know that Iapos;m nothing special. Iapos;m basically your average sixteen year old girl. My family isnapos;t rich, and I have to work hard for the things that I do have. Iapos;ve had my license for two months, and I still donapos;t have a car. Iapos;m average. I have trust issues and I worry more than a mother that has her son go off to war. Maybe thatapos;s a bit exaggerated. I personally donapos;t see anything unique about myself. Lately Iapos;ve been trying to find that one thing that Iapos;m good at. Some people are good at sports, art, music, etc. What am I good at? Someday Iapos;ll know. But until then, Iapos;m just an average girl who goes to a public school, works a minimum wage job, and does unimportant things on the weekends. Iapos;ve yet to find that "something." As much as I say this, though, Joe sees something else in me. Iapos;m not too sure what that is. I just hope that whatever it is, I donapos;t lose it.

This past month has somewhat been a state of bliss for myself. Things got bad for a week or so, around the time that Dan died. That was yesterday, by the way. October 19th is cursed. Two years ago, Daniel Swader died. In 2007, some kid named Nick died that day. And I found out yesterday morning, that some boy named Kyle died this weekend. Iapos;ve pretty much got money on the fact that someone will die next year on October 19, 2009. Thereapos;s no doubt in my mind.

Anyways. Minus the past week, my life has been great. My parents are finally letting me drive their cars until I can get my own. Sure, I can only drive to school, work, and the bank occasionally, but itapos;s better than nothing. Right now, having my license isnapos;t as fun as I thought it would be. It sure is a convenience, though. If they donapos;t want to, my parents donapos;t have to drive me around; I can drive myself.

I got my hair cut yesterday. Itapos;s considerably shorter now. I like it. Itapos;s much easier to manage, and I feel pretty again. I just wanted something different. I also went clothes shopping this weekend. I just felt like I really needed to spoil myself for once. I have this problem. If Iapos;m feeling down, usually buying something makes me happy. Itapos;s not that much of a problem now, but I need to get rid of that habit when I become an adult. I can picture myself spending a lot of money in a mid life crisis.

Saturday Joe and I went to the movies. We went to Dairy Queen, and then saw Eagle Eye. I got grilled cheese, just like the first time we hung out. Eagle Eye is an amazing movie. I recommend seeing it. Youapos;ll enjoy it if you can follow plot lines. It took me a bit longer to understand what was going on, but Iapos;m also not the sharpest tool in the shed. Overall, it was really good.

Today I read someoneapos;s blog about suicide and going to ECMC. I donapos;t know the girl personally, sheapos;s just friends with me on Myspace. Iapos;m sure sheapos;s going through a lot right now. I think sheapos;ll be okay. She reminds me of myself at the end of February. That was a bad time in my life. But I look at myself now, and I love myself and everything in my life. Itapos;s taken a long time, but I believe that eventually that her attitude towards herself will change drastically.

Itapos;s nice to see that Iapos;m not the only one that ever went through a hard time.

What else is there to write about? It appears that Iapos;ve been slacking lately, and I havenapos;t been writing in here as much as I wanted to when I first started this. Well, either way, Iapos;m still writing in it. Sometimes I wish I could reopen my last journal, just to see how much progress Iapos;ve made since February. I know in my heart that Iapos;ve changed so much for the better.

Iapos;m finally happy with who I am.
Once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is right back up.

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I didnt get a chance to post yesterday. So yeahh, went to my uncleapos;s house at Geylang and blah blah. Ohh, as the matter of fact. He cut my hair. WTFFFF ): I look like *. Okay, nvr mind. Met up with Liyana after that. Headed to nt concert thingy. Okay blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Waited for Jasir and he was freaking late. I was extremely tired waiting for him. I need my * and yet. Ohh, bother. Okayy. So yeahh, waited for Yat after that and soon after, Clinton. Cause, actually, both Jasir and Yat wanna go my crib to take the bicycle that i wanna give away. And, wtf, they didnt. Urghhhhhh. All three of them and the rest of the guys planned to go night cycling. Blahh, their problem lah. Went straight home with Iqah. Gosh, iapos;d really missed her. Haha. So yeah, reached home, washed up and watched FRIENDS. Heeehh. Favourite. Slept at 1.30 am. Ohh, 1 more day Heh heh heh. Ohhkayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, i cant wait to go to school on 22nd. Yes ahhhh :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Pictures later ahh, im lazy. (:

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�So I DEFINITELY agree with mcollett down below�The entire campaigning between Obama and McCain has been nothing but them just flat out bashing each other the ENTIRE�time I cannot even recall what exactly it is that they are going to do for our country at times because they are more focused on what each other is doing wrong and how they can outdo one another.�I would like to have a president that is not threatened or constantly worrying about what their opponent is up to. I would rather have a president who focuses more on the people of this nation and listens to their problems and concerns and really tries to prove that he/she is going to be the best one for our country. And I am so sick of hearing about how Obama is so good looking and that people are going to vote for him, yet when I ask why, their response is that it is because he is a man of color and because he "seems cool". ARE�YOU�KIDDING�ME???? How ignorant can people our age be? How can you choose a president based on how they look or because of the color of their skin. I want a president who is going to help this nation get out of debt, help FINALLY get this war over and stop sending troops away to get killed, a president who is actually going to stick to his word and do what he promises to do during his campaign and put it into action. Maybe thatapos;s just me; maybe I am just crazy for wanting that. I just think that people who are ignorant enough to make such a huge decision such as voting based on physical appearances and because they "seem cool" should have the privilege to vote. They are a waste of a vote in my opinion.

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Met de hele groep zitten we aan een luxe bar, met ieder een groot glas wijn voor zich.
Na een korte rondleiding bij het wijnhuis Bijerskloof zijn we aangekomen bij het leukste gedeelte: het wijnproeven. Nu de wijnen zeventien jaar hebben liggen rijpen, is dit het moment om de flessen open te trekken. Er wordt geproefd, geproost en gedronken.
Mijn gedachten zweven naar gisteren. Toen stond ik nog met een camera in mijn handen te luisteren naar de verhalen van de druivenplukkers.
Niekie van LokaalMondiaal moest een filmpje maken over de slechte arbeidsomstandigheden van de druivenplukkers in de wijngaarden. Dat leek mij interessant en zij kon nog wel een extra paar handen gebruiken, dus ik mocht met haar mee.
Na een uur geshaked te zijn in de trein, kwamen we aan in Stellenbosch. We werden opgehaald door Fatima van de organisatie ' Women on farms'. Tussen de prachtige bergen en groene bomen vertelde zij voor de camera over de embarmelijke omstandigheden waaronder vooral de vrouwen op de boederijen moeten werken. Totdat ze er letterlijk bij neervallen moeten de vrouwen op de boederijen met hun knieen in de modder het onkruid wieden. En dat allemaal voor het gammele loon van 250 rand per week, omgerekend ongeveer 20 euro.
Om het met eigen ogen te zien, vertrokken we naar een boederij vlakbij Stellenbosch. Een hobbelig kronkel weggetje leidde ons naar een aantal 'huisjes'. De mensen die op de boederij werken,' wonen'� vaak ook bij de boederij. Hun 'huisjes' bestaan uit houten platen� die bij elkaar worden gehouden door staaldraad en doeken. Ze hebben een open riool en het drinkwater wordt zo uit de grond gepompt. Oude vrouwtjes stonden gebogen over een teil vol water. Hun gerimpelde handjes wreven de vlekken uit de kleding. Een klein meisje met een snotneusje keek met grote ogen naar de camera. Haar blote teentjes staken in de modder.
En hier zit ik nu, een dag later, met een groot glas wijn voor me. Gelukkig weet ik dat de druivenplukkers bij Bijerskloof wel goed behandeld worden. Dit komt onder andere door de aandacht die de organisatie 'Women on farms' aan het onderwerp besteed.
Er moet nog veel gebeuren, maar 'Women on farms'� is al een eind op weg.
Ik weet wel dat ik nooit meer een glas wijn kan drinken zonder aan het meisje met haar grote ogen� te denken.

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Iapos;ve now gotten a new Blackberry Curve from work.

Now after setting it up, putting the multi-protocol chat client on it, Iapos;ve set it to forward all calls to my iPhone instead.

Iapos;d rather just carry one device around with me, and I can get all the work email stuff on the iPhone already.

I will take this new Blackberry with me down into the US and when I travel overseas, since itapos;s at last a GSM device, with a data plan I donapos;t have to pay for Hurrah

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